Tuesday, December 18, 2007

11 weeks

When does this end......oh wait, never. Anyone else terrified by that prospect? When Josh and I were considering starting a family I actually said to him, "You don't understand, marriage I can get out of, I am a mother for life!". Now of course I don't want out of my marriage, Josh has been the single reason I have survived the last few weeks. He cooks, cleans, irons my clothes and puts me to bed at 8 o'clock. But I still have many days (mostly when I am over the toilet throwing up) that I wonder how I am going to do this. Because, all I am looking forward to is not feeling sick anymore, but I know as soon as that ends, something else will come up, then I have to give birth, then raise this child...for the rest of my life! I sat in my class today watching my 12 year old student go from one ridiculous thing to the next and I really wondered..."will I be able to love my own 12 year old", because I sure don't like these kids. They smell, do stupid things and generally annoy me....how am I going to love my own kid when it annoys me, and never goes home or moves on to the next class?This is terrifying. Who decided I would make a good mother and have what it takes to form a life? Lord I just pray to not ruin it, let it just survive with a minimal need for therapy. Amen

2 comments:

Teri said...

No doubt in my mind you'll be a great mother, an awesome. Look at the way you love my baby! Teri

Teri said...

Whoops! I can't type this late at night...I meant to say an awesome mother! See what happens when you become a grandmother, you start losing brain cells! Teri