12 weeks

Merry Christmas! We announced our news to family, friends and coworkers over the last week and everyone was very excited for us. Many folks were surprised we were able to keep it a secret for so long. We will be traveling up to MN to see Josh's family this week. I know they are anxiously awaiting our visit, since we haven't seen them yet since the news about the baby. Last week was a rough one, I actually took a day off to catch up on sleep and have been feeling better since then. I am almost afraid to say it, but maybe I am on my way out of morning sickness....just maybe. I still feel nauseous, but not violently ill. I think it has to do with the relaxed schedule of break and being able to get a lot more sleep. I just hope it lasts and I can start to forget the throwing up part. It has been really wonderful to see people respond to the news. It has meant a lot to me, and is helping me be more excited. I go to the doctors on New Year's eve, so I will update after that letting you know how it went. I am hoping to hear the heart beat again. Until then...

11 weeks

When does this end......oh wait, never. Anyone else terrified by that prospect? When Josh and I were considering starting a family I actually said to him, "You don't understand, marriage I can get out of, I am a mother for life!". Now of course I don't want out of my marriage, Josh has been the single reason I have survived the last few weeks. He cooks, cleans, irons my clothes and puts me to bed at 8 o'clock. But I still have many days (mostly when I am over the toilet throwing up) that I wonder how I am going to do this. Because, all I am looking forward to is not feeling sick anymore, but I know as soon as that ends, something else will come up, then I have to give birth, then raise this child...for the rest of my life! I sat in my class today watching my 12 year old student go from one ridiculous thing to the next and I really wondered..."will I be able to love my own 12 year old", because I sure don't like these kids. They smell, do stupid things and generally annoy me....how am I going to love my own kid when it annoys me, and never goes home or moves on to the next class?This is terrifying. Who decided I would make a good mother and have what it takes to form a life? Lord I just pray to not ruin it, let it just survive with a minimal need for therapy. Amen

10 Weeks

Still feeling very sick. I am really hoping that this starts to calm down in a few weeks as I ease out of the first trimester around new years. I actually threw up so violently this week I broke a blood vessel in my eye. That, or I am bleeding eternally from my medicine so I am hoping it is just the blood vessel. My pants are starting to get tight, I can still fit in to everything, just a little less comfortably. I weighed myself and I haven't gained any weight, so it is either bloating or just the baby starting to take up more room. The baby is about an inch and half now and will double in size by Christmas. It has all its fingers and toes and is starting to develop distinct characteristics of a boy or girl. It is forming its teeth this week as well. I have been having a few cravings, mostly for apples and pasta. They seem to be the only thing I can eat that doesn't make the too sick. I finally finished decorating the house. We added a tiny stocking between ours this year...just for fun. We are also trying to come up with a creative way to announce it to all of our friends. I am thinking postcards, but we will just have to see. If you have seen anything cute done, let me know.

Things that made me sick today...

1. The granola bar I ate before getting out of bed that is suppose to help me not feel sick.
2. The plain bagel I ate for breakfast (I actually threw that back up)
3. The smell of my own deodorant
   
4. The smell of my clean hair
5. the smell of the inside of my car
6. saltines
7. water
8. the smell of my classroom without students and then with students
9. The smell of the airfreshner in the teacher's lounge
10. The smell of the public bathroom I had to use to throw up in at school
    
11. My student asking me what my throw up tasted like ( I hate that kid)
    
12. The very plain soup and bread I ate for dinner, hoping to feel better

Today was a rough day....I hope I feel better tomorrow.

9 Weeks

This last week went by fairly quickly. I decorated the house for Christmas in between dry heaves. There are still no ornaments on the tree, but I will get to that slowly. It is crazy to think at this time next year we will have a 6 month old! I am still trying to be cautious about getting too attached and being too excited. But it is getting harder. With each passing week I hope more and more that this will last ans nothing will go wrong. I go to the doctors tomorrow to talk about the ultrasound and have a checkup. It will be nice to have some questions answered and be reassured that everything is going well. I am still really sick, with little to no cramping, so I am hoping that that is a good sign and that the baby (who is now officially a fetus) is here to stay. We are also starting to look at names and are open for suggestions...until we find out the gender of the baby, I am only looking at girls names. Why expend my precious energy unless I have too?