Tuesday, January 15, 2008

15 weeks

So I missed a week. Week 14 was a rough week. I threw up every single day and Josh came down with some highly contagious plague that knocked us both out of commission. I tried to hold strong, but it over took me on Friday forcing me to take Monday off. The nausea has subsided the last few days just enough for me to rub my nose raw from blowing it about every 30 seconds. I need warm weather a lot of vitamin C. How much longer until I pop this baby out? Only a hundred and some-odd days left. Awesome.

I haven't felt the baby yet, but I am hoping in the next few weeks I will feel a stir of some sort. I recently read that it is now able to sense light and if I were to hold a flash light up to my belly it would move away...I am very tempted to see if I can feel anything, my fear is that I will and become obsessed with it, thus confusing the little guy and doing some sort of permanent damage. Is it wrong to use your unborn baby like a science experiment? I might just risk it anyway.

Last week I turned in my letter of intent, letting the administration know that I would not be back next year. I haven't filed the official letter of resignation yet. I am just afraid of doing some thing so permanent. What if something happens and I am also out a job. I think a have a few more months I can drag my feet with it anyway. I still have very distinct moments where I don't believe I am pregnant. I think it will help when I can A)feel the baby B)start showing or C)know what it is. I think that will help me connect more.

I have a wonderful friend who just recently had a beautiful baby and is truly in love with her. Not in a stupid way, in a really sincere way. My fear is that I won't love my kid like that. I find myself really annoyed by other peoples children in places like the grocery store, or out to dinner. Who decided I should be a mother!?!

On a brighter note, I started looking at nursery bedding. Pottery barn kids has some really cute choices. Expensive, but cute. Just have to wait to see which color palate to go with. Only another month!

1 comment:

Lauren said...

Oh Shey, I'm so sorry to hear that last week was so hard for you! I will be praying that this coming week is much better! And in terms of your job, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If it ended up that you did want to work again, I'm sure you would find a job easily.

AND in terms of loving your baby, I know you will :). The HR lady at my office felt exactly like you did - she didn't really like kids and isn't a "people" person (which is funny that she is in HR), but she LOVES her baby girl and being a mom. I know it will be the same with you :). Hang in there!