Tuesday, November 20, 2007

tomorrow (Josh)

tomorrow is a big day. up until the first ultra sound, Shey and I have been a bundle of conflicted emotions. on one hand, we are so excited and so thankful that Shey was able to get pregnant, and that we are entering into this amazing, tremendous, wonderful new phase of life, as we become a larger family. on the other hand, we have struggled to let ourselves really allow the excitement seep into our bones. we're scared. we're scared that something could happen, and the life that is already begun, could be gone, and we don't know how we'd react and process the loss.

so in a lot of ways, after tomorrow, i think that this will all feel more real, and we can begin to let go of a little more of our hearts that we are careful to guard right now.

but in even saying that, i'm so freakin excited, and there is no way to get around the fear of pain and doubt that we are facing, so i think we just have to let go. we know that we have a community of friends that will love us through any darkness we might walk into and not be able to find our way out, and that eventually we'll find our way.

i really believe and hope that tomorrow is another step of being able to let go...to let go of the fear of being too excited, or the fear of loss. here's to a new day, and to hope.

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